It has been very in-vogue in recent years for women to be submissive and proud. The 50 Shades of Grey books and films gave women the permission own their submissive sides, and the number of social media posts I see where young women are yelling from the rooftops about their desire to be choked and call their significant other ‘Daddy’ makes it seem like every woman alive wants to be tied up and have their bottom spanked until they can’t sit down for a week.
And that’s all great.
If you are genuinely a masochist or a submissive, and you now feel empowered to be open and honest about your desire to be dominated, I am happy for you.
But part of me wonders how much of this is genuine and how much of it is the ‘pick me!’ effect, where women are desperate to be seen as ‘edgy’ and kinky, and their requests to be choked and beaten up are more about their desire to be attractive to men rather than their actual wants and needs.
Something that you rarely see is women openly demanding the opposite. There are many women who make a living as Dominatrixes (also known as Dommes or Femdoms), but for the most part, women don’t seem as eager to dominate men as they are to be dominated by one.
A ‘Female-Led Relationship’ (FLR) is a term that originated in the BDSM community and refers to a type of relationship where the woman holds the power in the relationship. This could be sexual or otherwise.
Although this does come from the kink community, some feminists have taken the term onboard and use it to refer to any kind of relationship where the woman holds most of the control. However, for the sake of this article, I will be talking mainly about the kinky, Mistress/slave kind of FLR.
Wanting to be a Dominant Female or in a Female-Led Relationship is not ‘cool’ at the moment, and I’m sure that many women don’t feel like they are even able to explore that side of themselves without losing their desirability.
Others have no idea how fun it can be to be the one in charge, associating submissive men with the creeps who slide into their inboxes demanding pictures of their feet and deciding they want nothing to do with it.
With that in mind, I put together a list of some of the benefits of being in a Female-Led Relationship and turning your man into your sub.
6 Amazing Benefits of Being in a Female-Led Relationship
1. The Joy of Fantasy
No matter how old we get, or how wonderful our life is, we all need an escape from our regular lives sometimes. Some people find that escape through drugs or alcohol, while others turn to video games or hobbies such as song writing or sport.
The world of fantasy can be a wonderful and constructive escape from daily life, and the scenarios and characters that you come up with may help you to discover parts of yourself that you didn’t even know existed!
What’s more, the anticipation and excitement of planning a new scene will definitely make those long days in the office less dull!
2. Discover a new side of yourself
Embracing your Dominant side can mean allowing your powerful, tough and controlling side to come forward, and you can do and say things that would never be acceptable in regular life.
Letting this wicked side of you out can be a huge stress reliever in itself, and it can also be super empowering – after all, you have always had these facets to you, you’ve just never granted them permission to bloom before! As the psychoanalyst Carl Jung would say, it is about integrating your Shadow, the hidden and rejected self.
This can lead to you growing and changing in other areas of your life, as you find yourself more able to be assertive in situations that may demand it, or more seductive and able to get what you want where you may previously have shrunk into the background. You will be able to command the respect that you may not always receive in life, and this is perhaps one of the greatest reasons there is to become a Dominatrix and begin a Female-Led Relationship.
3. Being Treated Like a Queen
If you become the Domme in your Female-Led Relationship, your partner will dedicate his entire life to pleasing you and making your life as easy and comfortable as possible. Maybe that will mean running a hot bath for you each evening, massaging your tired feet after a long day at work, or serving drinks to you and your friends whenever you have a girls’ night.
It may also mean that he totally takes over the housework (and is happy about it!), spoils you more financially, or simply tells you that you’re a Goddess 500 times a day.
However your partner’s worship of you manifests, you can guarantee that you are going to see a dramatic change in how you are treated, and the best bit is that a submissive male will take pride in and thrive off being the best sub that he can possibly be.
4. Rebel Against Society
Society teaches women that our job in life is to appease, satisfy and placate men. This is true, not just in relationships, but in the workplace as well.
Being the Domme in a Female-Led Relationship will allow you to squash that notion completely and you can order your partner to placate, appease and satisfy you instead. Your lightest wishes will be treated as urgent commands, and every part of you will be worshipped, from the top of your head to the tip of your perfectly pedicured toenails.
5. The Excitement of Discovery
Opening yourself to the world of Femdom means that you have so many things to learn and experiment with, and your journey towards total Dominance will be peppered with lots of fun and exciting discoveries along the way.
One of the most fun things about being a Domme is being able to wear all kinds of different clothes and accessories. Discover the world of PVC and latex costumes, of thigh-high boots, whips, paddles and cuffs. Find the attire that you love and experiment with all of the weird and wonderful toys and accessories that are out there.
Delve into different personas and kinks, read literature on the topic, and discover what kind of Dominant you are.
Even if you don’t end up being a total Domme, you’re bound to find something that you can didn’t know you loved, just by opening your mind to the possibility.
6. Grow Closer to Your Partner
You cannot have a strong and fulfilling D/s relationship without trust and intimacy. Even being able to discuss your fantasies with your partner requires a huge amount of trust and open communication, and what relationship couldn’t benefit from that?
You also have to learn what your partner’s wants, needs and limits are and how to respect them.
As well as building trust in the relationship, sharing your innermost desires with your partner creates a strong bond between you both.
A relationship where both partners have open communication, trust each other, feel connected and bonded to one another, and understand themselves on a deep level is a relationship worth being in, and these virtues will likely extend to other areas of the relationship, reducing conflict and creating loyalty and closeness.
What’s more, the more a man learns about submission and not being in control of his own body and destiny, the more he will understand how truly difficult a woman’s life can be, and it may surprise you to know that actually, Female-Led Relationships are some of the most egalitarian!
Female-Led Relationships – Final Thoughts
As you can hopefully see, there are many benefits to embracing your Domme side and exploring a Female-Led Relationship.
Are you guaranteed to love being a Domme? No!
You might hate it, it might bore you, or you may find it really unattractive seeing your partner being submissive.
That’s all fine!
Femdom isn’t for everybody.
I don’t consider myself to be a Domme in my relationship, although I do like to think that as somebody who is somewhat of an ‘Alpha’ female, I benefit from some of the things on this list (my boyfriend brings me coffee in bed almost every morning, and if that isn’t a man well trained, I don’t know what is, hehe).
At the end of the day, if you don’t try then you’ll never know. You don’t have to go full-on Scary Dominatrix and invest in a whole array of instruments of torture in order to be Dominant. If Femdom is good for anything, it’s for teaching you how to be open about your wants and needs, stand up for yourself in situations that require it, and sometimes, just sometimes, being able to bat your eyelids and get whatever you want 😉
What do you think? Would you give a Female-Led Relationship a go? If I’ve piqued your interest, be sure to check out our fetish and PU gear!